Why I drink…

Sometimes I wonder why we are here, and it keeps me up at night. Is our reality an illusion created by a collective unconscious. (AKA god/gia/buddha/whatever.) Are we an experiment of the universe to better understand itself? I once read a short story where the protagonist came to this realization looked up at the stars, and just saw each star as a little experiment. In a way I’m comforted by this idea, as we’re not all alone. We’re not the only one’s who are lost.

But then I’m terrified by the thought that at any moment if could all end. Not just me, but all of us. One stray meteor, super nova to close, or horrific solar storm and POOF, it is all gone. No record that we ever even existed. The Universe would keep going. Would anyone even notice? It’s seems so selfish and naive to think anyone would. We would just be rendered back to dust and the grand experiment would begin again.

Or do we just ‘exist’ to perpetuate ourselves? If there is no ‘creator’ for lack of a better term. What is the point… what is this thing called life. I like to believe in my own personal theory of “Help your brother”. That is, the best we all can do is to help those around us understand each other and our own universe as best we can. But then again is it really all for naught?

To quote Dylan:

“… Who am I helping, what am I breaking
What am I giving, what am I taking
But you try with your whole soul best
Never to think these thoughts and never to let
Them kind of thoughts gain ground
Or make yer heart pound
But then again you know why they’re around …”

It is so crushingly overwhelming. Am I the only one who thinks these thoughts? Why does no one ever speak them?

But then I am content to just let it be and am content to sit back and watch it all from the sidelines for a time. It is so odd, as just such a short respite (a few seconds) fills me with so much energy (love/joy/whatever) I can go for weeks without thinking about it.

But then yet again.

Sometimes it’s really nice to just drink a lot and make fart jokes.

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